Christmas Eve Christmas EveA one act play by Andrew Alder, written 15 November 1994.
Mary and Joseph are portrayed as characters in a modern soapie. As they search for space for Jesus to be born, the audience is given a view of the Nativity and a hint of the Gospel that relates to modern experience.
Both scenes take place on a bare stage with two chairs the only furniture. A soft-edged pool of light is the best way to define the acting area, if possible. This is an outdoor area in both scenes.
For scene 1, a second area is required for two women talking to each other on the telephone. Head and shoulders only is required. Two hard-edged spots in a warmer tint (indoors) are ideal.
For scene 2, a star field background is very effective. This can be added in many ways, such as a pinspot on a stationary mirrorball, fairy lights, or a deep blue cyc on a backdrop painted with stars in flourescent paint (which will glow with the UV already present in the cyc lighting, especially if modern QI globes are used).
This script also works with no lighting at all, if the performers indicate by posture and eye contact the start and end of each scene.
Two chairs, side by side facing the audience/congregation. Joseph and Mary are sitting in them; He is driving using an imaginary steering wheel.
Joseph: (Worried) Here's another. Maybe they'll have a reasonable room.
Mary: (Evenly. She is not worried, just gently giving instructions) Any room. It doesn't matter. Ooooh...
Joseph: Yeah. Hang on, just be a minute. (He opens the imaginary car door and hurries off)
(While Mary remains lit, lights fade up on two women using imaginary telephones.)
Mrs X: Yes, they just pulled up outside... Don't worry, I've told him to say there's no room - And there isn't, but soft spot him is likely to find some if I let him.
Mrs Y: They tried next door, luckily Mr. answered the door and took one look at her and knew she was about to produce.
The very idea; Why bring her back with him? She's not good enough for him, and everyone knows that it's no relative of ours or his, and it's about time he stopped pretending that it is!
Mrs X: It must be terrible for her...
Mrs Y: Not nearly so terrible as in the old days... But you've got to take a stand somewhere. She should have stayed decently at home.
(Second scene fades out. Joseph returns to the car, gets in and pulls off again.)
Joseph: Hang on, they suggested one last place to try... It really is going to be tonight, isn't it?
Mary: No I'm playing a joke... Oooh...
Joseph: They're polite but they're not really being helpful... I'd expected better, considering these places are all full of my relatives.
Mary: (Snuggling affectionately against him) Our relatives.
Joseph: Hang on, here it is.
(He gets out and goes off, and is soon back shaking his head.)
No luck at all... He actually suggested the garage.
Mary: Take it.
Joseph: It's got no heating and he said he'd move the trailer out but the car has to stay in there because it's got no antifreeze in it
Mary: Take it.
Joseph: So it's out of the question but I promised him I'd ask you
Mary: Take it.
Joseph: And that's the last place so what do we do now?
Mary: Take it.
Joseph: What??
Mary: (For the first time raising her voice) TAKE IT.
Joseph: What...
Mary: Darling, I'm a country girl with a wonderful husband and all I really need is a bit more space. Take it.
A mattress would be nice for later.
Joseph: (Dejectedly) Yeah, it's got that.
(Lights fade, exit Mary and optionally Joseph.)
Mr Z: You're not inside?
Joseph: Not needed. She'll send someone out for me if she wants to get rid of them all... But I don't think she will. Not for a while anyway.
Mr Z: Seems pretty crowded in there.
Joseph: It is but it's quite warm and comfy really... Well, the three stockbrokers made me a bit nervous when they arrived.
Mr Z: Stockbrokers? (Joseph nods) Three? (Joseph nods again) In my garage? (Joseph nods a third time) Doing what?
Joseph: Kneeling.
Don't worry, they won't pinch your chisels. They wouldn't know which end to use.
Mr Z: I do a bit of carpentry.
Joseph: You've got some nice tools in there. You take care of them. (Pause) And you don't let many people into your garage. Thanks.
Mr Z: They tell me you're a carpenter.
Joseph: They're right.
Mr Z: They tell me you're pretty good.
Joseph: They tell me I'm the best.
Mr Z: Yeah, they do say that. (Pause) District nurse drop round?
Joseph: Yes. Thanks. No problems. But won't she make trouble for you?
Mr Z: Probably will. She's my sister.
Joseph: That's interesting. She's my cousin.
(Pause)
Mr Z: You must love her a lot.
Joseph: I do.
Mr Z: Even after this.
Joseph: Especially after this.
Mr Z: I don't understand.
Joseph: I'm only just beginning to. Go inside, it will help.
Mr Z: Maybe tomorrow.
Joseph: Don't leave it too long.
Mr Z: Ever think of moving back? This town needs a carpenter.
Joseph: I thought about it. But this town doesn't need a carpenter who lives with a stranger who calls him "Daddy".
Mr Z: (Standing) Look, I'm sorry about all that. It seems to me that it's something that people should be able to forget.
Joseph: Maybe. But they won't. Ever.
Mr Z: It seems to me that's a shame.
Joseph: In some ways it is.
(Mr Z leaves. During the following line Joseph stands, and his voice continually rises until the last word is shouted to the sky at the top of his voice)
But in other ways it's wonderful!
-Blackout-
When a modern city audience hears the word "stable", they think of a comfortable warm church with clean straw, baby Jesus and maybe an odourless cow. When they hear "garage" they think of dust, draughts, petrol smells and a car that only just fits. It is a much more realistic representation of the Nativity.
It was not my aim to make the story interesting by an amusing modern twist, in fact I am not convinced that would achieve anything. Rather it is my aim to present the Gospel as accurately as possible.
I want to communicate four things:
The soapie atmosphere, the love between Mary and Joseph, the growing mateship between the two men, and the cliches of the gossiping women and the husband not listening to his wife are all modern, nonbiblical and added to help convey these four things. If this is understood, much of the dialogue can be ad-libbed in character to good effect.
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